If readers are expecting a nail-biter or even a “Murder, She Wrote” companion mystery, they will be sorely disappointed. This piece is not at all mysterious; it is just puzzling.
Let’s start with a question. Have you ever felt “off” and had no clue why? You have no specific symptoms; it’s just that your body and mind aren’t in sync.
You’re tired but you you’re not sleep-deprived. You feel heavy when you really aren’t. You can’t concentrate but there’s nothing bothering you. You’ve even talked to your doctor, who told you to keep up the good work eating smart and exercising.
Then you take a few days off to travel to a nearby state. You discover that you forgot your vitamins at home, so you stop at a drug store in a mid-sized town.
When you tell the sales person in the health food section of the store that you’re looking for sub-lingual Vitamin B, he looks at you as though you were speaking Gaelic.
As you (presumptuously) begin to describe what “sub-lingual” means, he stops and corrects your arrogance by saying that he knows you are suggesting “under the tongue.” He explains that he is not allowed to use the Latin phrase, although he knows the words originated in New Latin from 1655 to 1665.
You ask why he is banned from employing the term, and he clarifies that store policy dictates that descriptive words and phrases may be used by only degreed professionals like doctors and pharmacists.
Even though he has worked in the same section of the store for over a decade and is familiar with all the vitamins and supplements, he is not allowed to do anything more than point to the shelves where these items are stored.
He is not even permitted to use a word like “digestive” when speaking about probiotics.
You remember a frequent commercial on TV about a supplement that is supposed to elevate energy and well-being. (We won’t mention the actual item here, so let’s pretend that it is called SUPER-PAPAYA.)
Why in the world would a television commercial be authorized to contain these alleged facts when someone who works at a health food store cannot even apply words listed on the front of a product.
Sure, the commercial maintains (in TINY letters) that the commodity’s efficacy has not been confirmed by the FDA, but why can it display young, energetic, happy-appearing individuals romping around on public TV as if the product worked miracles in their lives?
As someone who worked at a regulatory agency for many years, I understand the need for certain organizations to be held accountable for its actions.
For example, children and the elderly are particularly vulnerable, so it makes sense to me that an agency whose objective it is to ascertain that these individuals are not mistreated is not only OK, but is vital.
However, it is not clear why only certain-degreed individuals are allowed to provide a description of the purported uses of non-prescription products.
Just for fun, I Googled “papaya extract.” Since Google cannot be fired for using descriptions and even alleged benefits of this supplement, here is what I found:
Papaya extract has many potential health benefits, including but not limited to digestion, immune system and other health properties. “Key takeaways: Papayas contain a natural digestive enzyme called papain, which may help with digestion. Much of the research on the enzyme papain has been with supplements rather than the whole fruit. It’s possible that papaya enzymes can help with symptoms like bloating, gas, and constipation.”
Wow! With all those uses and benefits, who needs sub-lingual anything? We will make sure that the packing list for our next trip contains this supplement. Or, as Tom Waits sings: “Step Right Up.”
First, though, I need to change the title of this article, lest the people at the aforementioned drug store banish me for using the word “extract.”
